We live under sets of impossible societal standards and expectations.
How/Why? Because everything is based on competition, survival of the fittest, which breeds perfectionism, an unattainable human goal.
Those very same standards suggest that we should all enjoy our male/female gender-based activities, pursue higher education to get a job, come from a household with two loving, healthy, attentive, educated and functional (versus dysfunctional) parents. What if this just isn’t the case?
These standards of measurement have been bred into us and affect our daily lives, positively, so we think. Then, life happens…
Somehow, being the strongest, first, most fashionable, most degreed, so on is the mark set for all. And when we get that momentary promotion, pat on the back, “at-a-boy”, we have a surge of serotonin that changes our mood and makes us feel happiness but fleeting when superficial.
Here are the problems: 1. One size DOES NOT fit all; and 2. You are not in competition with anyone but yourself to live and be free.
The hazard of trying to live up to socio-cultural standards and expectations is that you will ALWAYS fall short somewhere; it’s called being human.
What happens when we fall short of a measure?
Truth? Depending on where you are with self-love and understanding your worth, it can be detrimental to catastrophic for your health, wellness, and life trajectory.
What to do? Stop. Face Yourself. Don’t be afraid to be human. Give yourself space for grace. The human condition is imperfect.
Hi, my name is Virginia, and I am a recovering perfectionist…
At an early age, I worked myself into such a competitive, perfection-driven, performance anxiety trying to compensate for things that at the time I was clueless about. Life and daddy issues had burrowed such a huge wound in my soul that I had to fill it with something. As a student, anything less than an “A++” was unacceptable. As a young professional, I found myself with a full-blown super woman complex, not extending mercy or grace to myself, nor anyone else for that matter, which led to broken relations and my first health scare. You would think one scare would be enough of a wake up call, but it wasn’t. My hurts, hang ups, and habits were so deep and trauma engrained that it took two more occasions with the last putting me physically down.
See, I bought into the controlling hype of how I should define my path, instead of tuning into my own channel to understand and find my passions and purpose.
Was I capable of competing? Absolutely, more than and did. The question is why was I competing? Programming. And should I have been living with a competitive, performance mindset? No. The high calling is to be who you are and the best human being that you can be walking in your soul purpose.
I didn’t start to have this A-Ha, this revelation until my 30s, and finally listen until my 40s, when I was forced to face myself at a time when the white-noise of life and the rat race of living it in survival mode was quieted for a moment.
What did I hear?
You are only human…give yourself space for grace…forgive yourself, first, so that you can let go and forgive others…all things work together for good…
Suddenly, mortality stared me in the face and nothing prior mattered. Finally, I understood:
- I began to accept and allow for human imperfection and the beauty in that;
- I processed and focused on my health and wellness;
- I let go of anger and trusted that ALL things DO work together for good; and
- That I was on this Earth according to a purpose and that purpose had NOTHING to do with materialism, competition, or the expectations of others.
Reassuringly, on cue, I felt sweet FREEDOM and a peace beyond my understanding…
My advice to you? Stop the competition. Embrace and love your individuality. Develop your personality and character. More importantly, act with integrity in ALL you do.
Don’t just go along to get along to not be alone. It’s okay to be alone. It’s in those times that you can figure out exactly who you are, what you stand for, so you will not fall for anything less.
Take time to know yourself. To HEAL…then rebuild and walk in that transformation. It’s NEVER too late. Just breathe and pivot…